The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
