I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
