So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
