my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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