My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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