good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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