Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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