i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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