i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
