I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
