I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
is wine microwaveable?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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