Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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