My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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