i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
