from now on my penis is your penis
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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