4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
