dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
