Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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