did you get engaged???
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
