his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I will be naked everywhere
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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