If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And then my night got REAL pukey
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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