Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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