When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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