I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
