my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
