Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm always down for nudity.
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