I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
