Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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