look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
