Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You can't motorboat a personality
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
