My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
