just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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