There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
