I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
