guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
