Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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