GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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