My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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