We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My cat gives me a boner
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
