My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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