Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
