isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
