I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
