Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
