Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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