This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I could fuck to npr.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
