I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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