is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
