Don't you send me to vm
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
