I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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