His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
worst night to have a conscience
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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