You made me cry and you don't even care
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
