is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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