remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
