You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
