when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
