Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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