So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
