when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
