as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need water and some morals
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
