i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week