He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS