I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my phone needs a breathalizer
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
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I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
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There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick